ADHD + people-pleasing = 🪫

Welcome back to ADHDfounder! I remember one fateful day last year, I agreed to help a friend move. Then another friend needed a last-minute project review. Then a work call ran late. By 10 PM, I was running on fumes, eating cold takeout, and questioning my life choices. This might sound familiar.

But the real wake-up call came the next morning.

I opened my messages to find more favors from people who had no idea I’d spent my entire day drowning in other people’s priorities. It wasn’t their fault. Because every time I said “yes” to something I didn’t actually have time for, I was training people to expect me to be endlessly available.

Setting boundaries around your energy & time

If you struggle to say no without spiraling into guilt, try using pre-written scripts. Here are a few that work wonders:

• For extra work: “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the bandwidth to give this the attention it deserves.”

• For social plans: “That sounds amazing, but I need a recharge night. Let’s plan for another time.”

• For unwanted commitments: “I appreciate you thinking of me! I’m keeping my plate light right now, so I’ll have to pass.”

Your future self will thank you 🙏 

The hidden cost of saying ‘YES’ to everything

People with ADHD are notorious for overcommitting. It’s not just because we want to be helpful—it’s often a mix of time blindness, rejection sensitivity, and dopamine chasing.

• Time blindness makes it hard to gauge how long things will take, so we say “sure!” assuming we’ll magically fit it in. Spoiler: We won’t.

• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) fuels the need to avoid disappointing people, so we say “yes” before we even process if we should.

• Dopamine seeking means we’re drawn to novelty. A last-minute invite? A new side project? Sounds more exciting than what we should be doing!

The result? Burnout, and sometimes even resentment—not exactly the outcomes we were hoping for.

How to break the cycle

1. Use a “pause buffer.” When someone asks something of you, don’t answer immediately. Say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This buys you time to assess if it’s actually feasible.

2. Create a ‘reverse to-do list.’ Instead of tracking what you need to do, track what you actually said yes to. Seeing the commitments pile up in writing makes it easier to say no.

3. Schedule self-protection time. Block off non-negotiable personal time in your calendar—literally put “DO NOT BOOK” as an event. This prevents accidental over-scheduling.

Saying no isn’t just about protecting your time—it’s about protecting your energy. 

That’s a wrap! You don’t have to be everything to everyone. But you are everything to yourself! Take care of YOU first.

Made it this far? Here’s your small win for today: 🏆

—Eugene (ADHDfounder) ✨